The thing about giving someone constant praise when they clearly aren’t going to take it is that it only feeds in to their depressive cycle more.
It gives them the excuse to continually counter-act said praise and put themselves down more and more, or they will use it as ammunition at a later point against themselves. Like “this person said I was strong and I let them down, I am not strong, therefore I am a horrible person.”
People get upset at me that I don’t give them the sugary crap, but this is how I show care. I’m going to tell you exactly what you are and what you need to do, and I’m not going to allow any of my words to be spat in my face.
This is happening right now.
And has been happening almost every single day.
It’s clear, after months of the same thing, it is not working. No amount of compliments or cover loving comments are going to work because they are simply phrases to ricochet off of in order to multiply the compliments.
Here is the math and why it happens, in very simple terms for those who aren’t psychology nuts like me:
Compliment+Denial=Chain reaction of more compliments
Self praise=simple agreement
Self hate=Reaction of counter arguments/praise
So let’s say we want the highest # of compliments
The best math would then be to use this pattern:
Step 1: Self hate [x]
Step 2: Receive uplifting rebuttal [x]
Step 3: Respond to rebuttal with denial [x]
Step 4: Denial creates more rebuttal from the same person PLUS more people joining in [x] [x]
Step 5: Repeat denial until it dies down [x] [x] [x] [x]
Step 6: [Optional paths]
A- Minor Admittance of received praise [x] [x]
B- Respond to ‘hate’ messages [x] [x] [x]
Result: receive a larger chain of supporting rebuttals to hate [x]
Step 7: Once satisfied, depart with words of hope [x] [x] [x]
Congratulations, you have learned the formula best suited to get as much praise and compliment as possible without making an effort on your own part.
Now that you have sufficiently insulted yourself the entire day, the next day will feel just as empty as the last because you subconsciously convinced yourself you are in fact a worthless piece of shit, and you will always hunger for more praise in the same exact way and will never be full because all of it will feel like empty unearned compliments received through a method that prompted people out of pity/worry/concern rather than your own true efforts.
This is known as a guilt trip/passive aggression.
The more you tell people negative things about yourself, the more you’re going to receive counter arguments, and the more empty they will feel each time because that is exactly what they become. Empty.